President #28

President Zachary Taylor loved working them cotton fields. Check that- he loved his 100 slaves working them cotton fields. He was briefly distracted from his first love by a quick 40 years killing Indians and Mexicans. He ended up picking up a couple other loves along the way: nationalism, Whiggery (it's a phrase. I don't know what it means, but I'm assuming it has something to do with most of the guys I graduated with in Tampa Bay.) and apparently being generally sloppy. He was only President for about a year, due to his forgetting to live. The big legacy he managed achieved came just a few days before when threatened literally murdering any southerner who wanted to secede. Which was an awful classy move from a gentleman who, as I stated earlier, OWNED A HUNDRED SLAVES. It was during those wonderful days when people weren't necessarily opposed to enslaving other people, but rather would go to WAR over the issue of states' rights. Which seems to be the moral equivalent of arresting rapists not so much because of the rape, but a strong stance against dresses being torn.

Eleven dead years later, the Civil War erupted and Taylor's kid was a general for the south. Crazy rebellious teens.


President #27