President #26

Ronald Reagan helped lead the fight to rout out communists from the Screen Actor's Guild. He decided to test out his President-being and Pinko-hating skills there first. His 69th day in office, he ducked behind a bullet proof car door to avoid a bullet, but it still ricocheted around the door and hit him in the chest. Reagan basically shrugged it off, apparently still playing the role as the resilient western sherriff from one of his 53 movies. "Pardon me ma'am, but I ain't got time to bleed. I gots to lower taxes while increasing the defense budget while cutting social spending." James Brady was never an actor. He remains paralyzed.

Basically Ronny is the reason we're not all still doing duck-and-cover-from-the-nuclear-holocaust drills, but also the reason thoroughly crazy people are wandering around asking us for all our damn change.

L.A. ICE, episode 4

President #25