G.I.C.G.B. Part I

I'm starting a new series today. Guys I Currently Got Beat*. Not that I have always or will always have them beat, but for this moment I am doing prrrrrrretty good in comparison. Today is Joaquin Phoenix.

This isn't based on his recent drug use, or his turn as a rapper. It's not about his inner demons. It's more about the beard. I mean, it makes mine look stately. Which it is. I bet his smells real bad, too. Mine is shampooed every morning. Once in a while I throw in some conditioner. Our beards could not be further apart. And I bet I would rap slightly better.

I will say, though, that he is probably a better drug user than me. I mean, he's non stop. One overnight meth binge for me and I am done.

*(My great fear for this feature is that someday soon one of these chaps will die, and then I will feel bad. Like the time I made some myspace update about hoping Katrina would destroy New Orleans. And then it did like a day later. My bad. So let's just assume before that happens that this serves as a solid 'pat on the back' for these troubled folk. An encouragement. A rally cry. It's not that you're doing so bad. I'm just doing so good.)

EDIT: So I guess he might be faking it. Whatever.