(My first president came about when I had maybe one drink and drew Lincoln in photoshop. You can see it here. Now that I've done a bunch more, I wanted to do it again, hence....) A piece of campaign literature once incorrectly claimed that Abraham Lincoln was so super self-educated that he read the writings of first century Roman historian Plutarch for fun, though he had never read them. Since he was such an upright guy, and not wanting to be thought of as a liar, he naturally went right to the first century historian bookstore down the street and proceeded to read them all.
So basically you could claim Lincoln had done something, and in his quest for integrity would proceed to do it. With that realization I will now claim things and expect Abe to rise from the dead and prove me wrong.
1) Lincoln once fought Bill O'Rielly in Madison Square Gardens. He threw the fight in the third.
2) Lincoln drank a gallon of milk in three minutes and then ate a box of saltines and whistled.
3) Lincoln gave me $400 and told me I didn't need to repay it.
4) Lincoln once gave a long lecture to Andy Dick about proper behavior and etiquette and turned that young man around.
5) Lincoln found out how Lost was going to end and totally spread it over the internet, ruining it for everyone.
6) Lincoln went to the Ford corporation and politely asked they take his name off their cars. Except for the Navigators, which he said were badass.
7) Lincoln once danced with Elizabeth Shue, real slow, real sensual. And then told me all about it later, high-fiving the whole time.
8) Lincoln totally powned some Generals on Modern Warfare 2 like it was NOTHING.
9) Lincoln appeared in a series of commercials as the Kool-Aid man, painted entirely red and bursting through walls.
10) Lincoln once parachuted into Kandahàr and settled some shit.
Balls in your court, Abraham.