There is so much dignity in what I do.

There’s a sixty second version floating around. Maybe you can see some more of my award winning legs when that appears.

Honestly I’m not sure what Fios is, but I memorized some very convincing facts about it.  The guy in the doggy door is named Mike and he’s the guy in all the post office ads. Sorry, ladies. He’s married.

Also, they did this whole thing with a dog that was supposed to attack him at the end. They had this crazy lady straight out of Best In Show feeding this dog 100 treats a minute trying to get him to jump on Mike’s face and growl. No such luck. He just kind of kept jumping up at the treats and wagging his tail, with Mike crammed uncomfortably into this tiny door for six hours. I just wandered around the whole time, blind. I really should buy some contacts.

The white guy is Hugh Scott, who’s super funny. The older guy’s name is Lee and he was a high school principal in New York for like thirty years. He can barely walk. But he was real nice. Not that people who can barely walk usually aren’t.

On a sad note, I did not receive any coupons for free flowers to send to my mom for Mother’s Day from Teleflora. Which means I’m probably only going to be able to afford to buy her the same kind of flowers we’re making fun of.

I’ll be happy to completely re-write that paragraph if someone from Teleflora stumbles onto this site and takes the bait.

EDIT: I suddenly feel a strong desire to chastise and correct myself for even considering using a rival flower delivery company. Why would I think that? Teleflora delivers beautiful flowers in lovely vases at incredible rates! What a fool I was to speak so flippantly, so rashly. I’ll tell you this, dear reader, I have a lot of growing up to do. And a lot of convenient online floral shopping to do, too. teleflora.com (And let me just assure you that my sudden change of heart has nothing to do with any of the comments.)

Try to catch the show Head Case on Starz on Friday nights. It’s really funny and made by some great people. BONUS: I’m in it. Catch my last two episodes this week and next. Here’s a clip of this Friday’s episode. I’m the tall redheaded guy in it:

tinyurl.com/barakheadcase

The other guy is a very funny buddy named Chris Marrs. This was directed by the senior visual effects supervisor for a couple little films called Transformers, all the Pirates of the Carribeans movies, and Terminator: Salvation. For some reason. Doing internet ad campaigns. Okay.

Here I am with the lovely Katie Daryl on her show Deadline. Which, by the way, is made by the equally lovely Lindsay Hofmann. Who, by the way, is my hero.

We improvised this whole campaign, and I remember feeling really bad in the middle of making this piece, cause it wasn’t like I was saying words on a script, it was all my idea to be yelling at a gold medal champion that he was wasting his life playing games. Kind of a jerk move, but then again, he’s a 21 year old millionaire and I’m the opposite of that.

This never made the campaign. But now I’ve found it! AHA!